
K/7 



HoUinger Corp. 
pH 8.5 






PS 3507 

J6 
1917 

^®Py 1 A Rural Comedy 



in One Act 




THE 

JONESVILLE 

BOARD OF ASSESSORS 

By Harry M. Doty 
Chatham, N. Y. 

Price Fifteen Gents 



THE JONESYILLE B OARD OF ASSESSORS 



if a feller ain't no fisherman or don't 
have the right kind of bait. 

Brings — Wall, if Bije gits her I 
don't know of no better way to even 
things up with Yam and her than by 
l>ein' an assessor and that's why I'm 
goin' to stay on this board if I can 
until I see how things turn out. 

Simp. — ^Good luck to you I'll help 
you all I can. Perhaps it'll come just 
right so I can put in a good word for 
you with the widder. Me and her is 
pretty good friends. 

Briggs — I'll help too, but this 
liain''t no board of strategy on love 
aiffairs and if we're goin' to come to 
an understandin' among ourselves 
about some of these assessments, 
we'd better be at it becuz folks will 
be beginnin' to come in here before 
long and we want to know what we're 
goin' to do. Less git our books and 
kinder compare notes. 

Briggs — That suits me. 
(All take small books from their 
pockets.) 

Simp. — ^On my book I've increased 
Ez. Green's assessment five hundred 
dollars. 

Briggs — Why is that? He hain't 
made no improvements the past year, 
has he? 

Simp. — Don't know as he has, but 
a while ago he made the awfulost 
TOW you ever heard tell of when one 
of my cows broke down his fence and 
got into his com about fifteen min- 



utes. Didn't do hardly no damage 
at all. I tell you I won^t have no 
man talkin' to me the way he talked. 
I just want to even up with him. 

Phibbs — All, right, that stands so 
fer as I'm concerned becuz I've got 
one or two little things I want to set- 
tle myself. 

Briggs — 'Me too. I don't mind 
tellin' you that the principal reason I 
got on this board was to git even 
with iSol. Stebbins. I got sick and 
tired of bein' pestered with his duns 
fer a little store bill of fifty dollars. 
I knew he didn't need the money and 
as I was a leetle short up, I wan't in 
no pertickler hurry about payin\ Got 
60 I had to hear about that bill every 
time I went to the store. Got a 
catalogue from Wardgomery and 
Sawbuck and I noticed their prices 
wuz below hizzen so I sent thirty dol- 
lars and got some stuff. He saw me 
loadin' it down to the freight house 
and two or three days afterward he 
sued m.e fer that bill. When I paid it , 
I told him it is a gosh blamed long" 
road that don't have no turn in 
it and that I hoped to live long 
enoug^h to git even with him. On my 
book I've jacked up his assessment a 
thousand dollars. 

Simp — It kin stand so far as I'm 
concerned. 

Phibbs— All right, I'm with you 
both if youlie v/ith me. I've chalk- 
ed an increase cf five hundred against 
Abe Jackson. Dum him, he bought 



THE JONESYILLE B OARD OF ASSEiSiSORiS 



that there second-hand automobile 
and he hadn't had it more'n two or 
three days before my folks was a 
pesterin' me and I've got to buy one 
in order to git any peace of mind . I 
guess that five hundred increase '11 
make him stop and think afore he 
puts anything like that auto deal over 
on me again. 

Briggs — Seems to me that's kinder 
far fetched. I don^t see as he was: 
tiyin* to- do anything to you when he 
bought the machine. 

Phibbs— That don't make no dif- 
ference. If he hadn't a bought it, 
my folks wouldn't have thoughj; of 
askin' me fer one. Besides that, I 
never liked him very well, anj^vay. 

Simp. — All right. I see Wiggins 
has painted that hog pen of hissen so 
I've added fifty there . iMakes his 
place worth more. 

Briggs — And I see HaAvkins has set 
out some trees on that patch near his 
house so I've added a hundred to his 
valuation becuz he's goin' to have an 
orchard. 

Simp. — Yes, he's goi,n to have it if 
the trees live but he hain't got it yet.. 

Briggs — ^He may some time or oth- 
er so why not m.ake the increase now 
and have it over with. Besides if 
we don't increase a^ dozen or so assess- 
ments folks will say we didn't do 
nothin' but copy the old lists. 

Simp — Wall, there's suthin' in 
that, I'll adm.it. 



Phibbs — I don't believe we'll be 
called on to do any explaining to any 
of them folks today becuz they ain't 
been increased before and non^ of 'em 
ain't been before us on grievance day 
Since I've been on the board. 

Briggs — Prob'ly not but we'd bet- 
ter agree to stand together if they do 
come. 

Simp. — All right, count on me. 

Phibbs— Me too. | 

(Enter Alexander Scroggins) ! 

Briggs— Hello, Zan. How be ye. 

Alex. — Oh, 'bout middlin'. Tli ought 
I'd jest drcp in and see if you've 
jacked me up enough so's I'll have to 
git out bankruptcy papers. 

Simp — (Looking at book). No 
Zan., no change in your assessm^nt. 
We ain't fergot who takes cider, ap- 
ple and doughnut pity on tired asses- 
sors on a hot day. 

Alex. — Much obleeged, boys. Send 
m.e word a day or two before you're 
comin' out to my place this year and 
mebbe we can scratch together a 
leetle suthin more in the provender 
liriie fer you, that is if the grubs and 
worms or suthin' else don't git it be- 
fore I do. 

Briggs — I hear you've bought a si-' 
]o{ built a new milk house and are 
goin' to iput one of them new-fangled 
hay forks in the bam. 

Alex. — Yessir, and that ain't all, 
not by a jug full. I'm a goin to- — but 



THE JONEiSVILLE BOARD OF ASISElSSORS 



hold on here, never mind what I'm 
goin* to do. Tain't much anyway., 
not worth assessin'. You fellers 
needn't bring your specs along when 
you come out to my place. ILockin' 
too hard is likely to give a man a 
headache, you know. 

Phibbs — Ain't goin' to commit 
yourself, be ye Zan. ? 

Alex — ^Not if I know if, but I come 
pretty blame near it then. Guess 
I'll mosey along home afore I do 
some talkin' that might be expensive. 
So long, boys. See you later. 

(Exit Alex.) 

Simp.— 'No flies on Zan. He's a 
sharp one. 

Briggs — You bet he is and we 
can't afford to cross him, nuther. He 
controls about all the votes in his 
neighborhood and we don't want him 
agin' us at election time. 

Phibbs — You said a mouthful that 
time. 

(Enters Jabez Johnson) 

Jabez — iMorin', ev'i-ybody. Thought 
I'd just drop in and see what you've 
got chalked up agin' me this year in 
the way of valuation. Kinder want 
Iw know if you hard-hearted wretches 
(laughs) has got me on the way to 
the poorhouse. 

Simp. — Guess there ain't no danger 
of your takin' that road this year. 
Jabez, we hear you got $3.50 a bush- 
el fer them five hundred bushels of 



pertaters you held through the win- 
ter. 

Jabez — ^Now who in thunder told 
you that? You assessors are reg'ler 
mind readers. 

Phibbs — Ain't it true about the 
pertaters ? 

Jabez — No, leastwise not quite. I 
only got $3.43 a bushel . Darn buyer 
took off two per cent fer cash. 

Simp. — (Figuring on envelope.) 
Then we'll have to assess you just 
$1705 personal property. , 

Jabe — No, no, gosh a-mighty, no. 
I ain't got the money. I spent it. 
Briggs--What for? 
Jabe — ^Have I got to tell that? 
Simp. — ^Certainly. 

Jabe — Well, I bought a tin Lizzie. 
Phibbs— That didn't take all the 
money unless you bought a gold- 
plated one. 

Jabe— No, it didn't, but I had to 
fix up the house and bam — I mean I 
had to have some things in the house 
and barn. The auto ain't assessable 
and things in the house ain't. No, 
I ain't got no personal property ex- 
cept what the lavv^ allows, honest I 
ain't. You just leave the assessment 
where it is or cut it down a leetle arid 
it'll be all right. Now that I've told 
you all about it, I* shouldn't think it 
would be necessary for you to come 
cut to my place when you're asses- 
sin' agin'. It's quite a stretch out 
there in hot weather and I ain't got 



THE JONESVIIjLE B OARD OF AiS'SEiSSORS 



much worth assessin' anyway. You 
know bildin's run down awful fast 
nowadays, specially when a feller 
<:'an't git together enough to fix 'em 
up. 

Simp. — ^Well, we won't cross jio 
bridges until we git to 'em. We may 
not be on the board next year. 

Jabe — Ain't ye goin' to run agin*? 
Simp. — That's too far ahead to 
think about now. 

Jabe— Well, if you do and if you 
treat me right, you kin count on my 
vote and mebbe I could find one or 
two more for you. 

Briggs — ^Thank, you, Jabe, we may 
need your help. 

Jabe — Well, in politics we folks 
has got to kinder stand together as 
the feller said. But just remember, 
it won't be necessary for you to come 
out to my place. I'll keep you posted 
on anything I do that's of any ac- 
count . So long. 

(Exit Jabe.) 

Phibbs — Jabe's a slick one. What 
do you 'spose he'd do if he was as- 
sessed where he really ought to be? 

S?mp — ^Do? He'd have more kinds 
of apoplexy that you can find in all 
the doctors' books. 

(Enter Israel Jones) 

Israel — ^Mcmin', everybody. Was 
goin' by so I thought I'd just drop in 
and see if you've got any elevatin' 



idees this year. How's that fer a 
joke? Perty good, ain't it? As- 
sessors sometimes like to elevate val- 
ues, you know. See the point? Got 
to have my little fun. Wan't serious 
when I said it but bein' I'm here 
guess I'll just ask if you've changed 
the figgers on my property any. 

Briggs — ^Why ? Had they ought to 
be changed? 

Israel — ^Changed! Gosh all hem- 
locks, no, not if you mean raised* 
Ought to be lowered I think. 

Simp. — (Consulting bock) No, we 
havn't changed them although I guess 
we ought to add about a hundred fer 
that piece of land you bought of 
Johnson a few months ago. 

Israel— What! That patch of bogs 
and swamp! 

Phibbs — If it wasn't any good what 
made you buy it? 

Israel — Just w^anted to straighten 
out my farm line. I don't place 
hardly no value on it at all. 

Briggs— You paid $200 for it 

Israel— Yes, I know I did but I 
just told you what I wanted it for. 
It's worth more to me than to any- 
body else. 

Simp. — ^I was by your place the 
other day and I saw your cows pas- 
turin' in that lot. Looked to me like 
perty good land. 

Israel — Looks is deceivin', looks is 
deceivin', 'Tain't good fer nothin'. 
Couldn't raise anything on it *cep- 



LO 



THE JONElSVILUE B OARD OF ASSEiSISOElS 



tin' an umbrella. How's that fer a 
joke, eh? Just turned the cows in 
there that day becuz I didn't have no 
other place for 'em just then. 

Phibbs — Ain't it kinder risky to 
turn cows into swamp and hog land, 
specially with cows costin' what they 
do now? 

Israel — Well, now yon see — that is 
— I mean — say, what 'n Sam Hill are 
you fellers ti-yin' to g-it at anyway? 
You don't doubt my word, do you ? 

Briggs — Of course not, Israel, 
we've got to believe ycu becuz every 
•ther farmer tells the assessors the 
same story and what everybody says 
must be true. 

Israel — I don't know notKin' about 
noboddy else's land but I do know 
about my own. Say, can't you clip 
just a little off my assessment? 
Times is mighty hard. 

Simp. — ^Couldn't think of it, Israel. 

Israel — Great guns! Hain't goin' 
to raise it, be ycu ? 

Phibbs — No, we won't raise it this 
year. Perhaps we will next year when 
we git a chance to go out and look 
your place over a little more care- 
fully. 

Israel — Now of course, I'd just as 
leave have you come as not, but ther 2 
really ain't no need of it I'm here 
most every day and when assessin' 
time comes I can tell you all about 
my farm and save you a trip. I'd 
be glad to do you a good turn like 
that. 



Briggs — All right, Israel, jve'll ses 
about it when the time comes. 

Israel — It won't be no trooible at 
all you know. Good day. 

(Exit Israel.) 

Simp, — I can see that any time wi 
want to give Israel the shakes wors-i 
'n the a^e ever did, all we got to 
do is to tell him we're goin' to mak^ 
him a visit. 

(Enter 'Mehitable Dean) 

Phibbs — Good morning. Miss Jean» 
Have a chair (Places chair for her. 
Miss Dean sits) 

Mehit — ^"Good morning Mr. Phib^'S. 
and iMr. Briggs and 'Mr. Simpkins.. 
Just thought I'd drop in and se'i 
aboliit my assessment. Would >oi 
mind telling me whether there hai- 
been any change since last year? 

Briggs — Certainly not, Miss Dean. 
Just wait a moment and I'll look it 
up. (Opens bock) No, same as last 
year. That will be satisfactory., 
won't it? 

Mehit — I suppose it will have to be 
if you say so, but I would really like 
to have a little change made. 

Simp. — Well, I dunno. Miss Deano 
Seem.s to me we ain't got you none? 
too hig-h as property goes in this sec- 
tion. 

Mehit — No, I don't think you have. 

Phibbs — Then what is c unsatisfac- 
tory about it? I don't just get your 
idee. 



THE JONBSVILLE B OARD OF ASSESSORS 



II 



MeMt — I was hopin' you wovild 
raise it. 

Briggs, Simp and Phibbs (In un- 
ison — What! (Mehi table starts vi- 
olently.) 

Mehit — ^Mercy! Hew you frighten- 
ed me. 

Simp. — IR-Iiss Dean, would you mind 
sayin' that again? 

Mehit — I wuz sayin' I rather hop-d 
you had raised my assessment. 

Phibbs — What in tarnation is the 
matter with my. ears? I've got ,o 
I can't hear things straight. 

Briggs — I guess I must be in the 
same fix. Miss Dean, did I undi^r- 
stand you to say you want your as- 
sessment raised? Did you say 
raised ? 

.'Mehit — Ygs, that's what I said. Is 
there anything 7.0 very u'ljbual about 
that ? 

Briggs — Unusual! I should say 
there is. Miss Dean, you^re makhi' 
history. This is the first time this 
request has been made since No'&h 
built the ark and that's several sum- 
mers ago. 

Mehit — ^Well, I'm surprised. 

Phibbs — iSo 'm I, so gel blasted sur- 
prised that I don't know whether I'm 
afoot or a horseback. 

Simp. — ^How much do you want it 
raised? You're assessed for $4,00t\ 

Mehit— ^Could you make it $8,000 ? 

Briggs— What! Double? Why I 
— ^wcll, say, if I ain't clean beat. 



Phibbs — iMiss Dean, there ain't na 
insanity in your family, is there? 

Mehit — Indeed not. Why do yoa 
ask that? 

Phibbs — ^^Becuz no assessor ever 
heard anything like this afore. 

Simp. — ^Why do you want your as- 
sessment increased? You ain':; got 
nothin' new on your place this year 
that wari't there last year, have ye"^ 

Mehit" — (Uneasily) I can't answer 
that question, really I can't, but I've 
got good reason fer wan tin' it in- 
creased. 

Briggs — By jimminy, you must 
have to make such a request as that. 

Mehit — Ycu'U do it, Vv'on't you? 

Phibbs — Certainly, if you want it 
that way but, say — well, I'm clean 
beat. 

Mehit — Thank you so much 
(Rises) Perhaps next year 111 want 
it reduced again. I hope so anyway. 
Good morning. 

(Exit Mehitable) 

Simp — ^Well, what do you think of 
that? 

Briggs— Think ! I don't think. I 
can't. I never was so taken back in 
all my life. 

Phibbs — Say, fellers, I've got an. 
idee. 

Simp — Glad you have, I hain't, not 
since this experience. 

Briggs — What's the idee? Less, 
have it. 



12 



THE JO^.ESWIJLE B OAUD OF ASSESSORS 



Phibbs — ^You know it's more or 
less town talk that she's kinder sweet 
on Lon Sniffin'. Guess if 'twas leap 
year she'd propose to him. Lon 
hain't leanin' her way quite enough 
to suit her and I'll bet I see her 
scheme to git him to take more in- 
terest in the Mehitable member of 
the Dean family. Lon's collector 
this year fer the first time and, of 
course, he'll have to read all the as- 
sessments. She's sharp enough to 
"know that and she thinks when he 
runs agin' that there $8,000 valuation 
of hers, he'll set up and take 'consid- 
erable notice. He may think a wo- 
man assessed fer as much property 
as that, half of it personal, hain't to 
be sneezed ex after aV. See the 
point.? 

Sim!) — By jocks, I b;.'i.'V3 y(u're 
right and I'll bet it works, too. And 
she thinks it'll do the business 
prompt. I>id you hear her say she 
mig'ht want it reduced again next 
year? iShe's got it figgered that 
just one dose'll land him. 

Briggs — ^And if it don't, she'll try 
suthin' else. Just ain't no use fer a 
man to try to git away when a wo- 
man as old as Mehitable and as 
bright as she is, makes up her mind 
she wants him. 

Phibbs— That's right. Well, good 
luck to her. Lon might do a heap 
worse. 

(Enter Mrs. Doclittle.) 



Simp — ^Good momin', Mrs. Doolit- 
tle, what can we do for you? 

Mrs. D. — 'Taint what you can do 
that I'm here to see about. It's 
what you have done. 

Briggs — I don't exactly understand. 

Mrs. D. — You don't want to under- 
stand. You know well enough what 
I mean. I hear you've increased my 
assessment $500. Is that so? 

Phibbs — (Looking at book) Yes, 

Mrs. Doolittle, that's the amount. 
Surely you don't take exception to it ? 

Mrs. D. — I don't, hey. ^ I suppose I 
should let you three drive me into 
the poorhcuse and then thank you 
fer it. I want to know why that $500 
has been tacked on. 

Simp — Becuz you put up a new 
wagon house, painted all your build- 
ings, got a new <.nni house and fixed 
over the cow stable. Must have 
spent $2,000 anyway and we've only 
added $500. 

Mrs. D. — Eyesight was monstrous 
good w^lien you was out my way, 
wasn't it? Just becuz I've li< d my 
place so it looks half way decent and 
respectable and made that part of 
the town more attractive, I've got to 
be the same as fined fer doin' it, 
hev I? It's a wonder to me any- 
body ever spreads ,a drop of paint or 
dees anything else in the way of im- 
provement in these parts. You ought 
to be ashamed of yourselves. 



THE JONESVILLE B OARD OF ASSESSORS 



13 



Briggs — Certainly, Mrs. Doolittle, 
you are not assessed out of propor- 
tion to other property. 

Mrs. D. — I don't know nor care 
anything about that. I ain't here to 
fight anybody else's battles but my 
own. It keeps me pretty busy look- 
in' after my own business, 'specially 
when they's a board of assessors or 
somebody else waitin' to gouge me 
at every turn. I'll bet if my Sol. was 
alive, you wouldn't be so fast to 
raise our assessment. Let me see 
that assessment book. 

Phibbs — Certainly, Mrs. Doolittle. 
(Pointing) Here is your assessment 
this year and last year. 

Mrs. D. — It ain't my assessment 
I'm lookin fer, it's youm. 

Phibbs—Mine! 

Mrs. D. — ^Yes, youm. I've hearn 
tell that while you raised other 
folkses assessments you lowered your 
own. (Looks closely at book) Well, 
I ain't been lied to. Here 'tis (Read- 
ing) "Jonathan Phibbs, last year 
$2,000, this year $1,500." (Turns 
pages) "Ebenezer Simpkins, last year 
$2,200, this year $1,700. Passed out 
$500 reductions to yourselves and ev- 
ened things up by addin' $500 to as- 
sessments of poor, lone, unprotected 
wimmen. And everj^ one of you has 
made more improvements than I 
have this year. To begin with, Ez. 
Simpkins, that place of youm is 
worth a lot more'n $2,200 and you 



know it. Last year you refused $4,- 

000 fer it. 

Simp. — I didn't want to sell. 

Mrs. D. — Fiddlesicks! Didn't want 
to sell, 'fou'd sell the sh'rt off your 
back if someone offered you more'n 
you paid. I know you well enough 
to know that if someone offered you 
$4,000' fer suthin' you knew wan't 
worth more'n $2,200, you'd take 'em 
up so quick it would make their 
heads swim. Don't talk to me. 

Briggs — I don't see what that has 
to do with your assessment. 

Mrs. D. — ^Course you don't. None 
is so blind as them as won't see. And 
now about you Jon. Phibbs. That 
place of yourn you paid $3,000 for 
and you've bought on more land 
since. Now you've whittled down 
the assessment to $1,500. Do you 
call that square? Think I can't see 
what you men are doing? Well, X 
guess. Now, Hez. Briggs, FU just 
see what you grabbed when the plum 
basket was bein' passed. (Turns 
pages) Here it is. I thought so. 
I'll make you an offer right here and 
now of $5,000 fer that farm. What 
do you'say: Will you take it? 

Briggs — ^No, I don't want to sell. 

Mrs. D. — Didn't expect you would. 

1 wouldn't sell the place fer that 
either if I owned it but here you've 
had it down fer $2,600 last year and 
$2,100 this year. Scissored off just 

$500. 



14 



THE JONESVILLE BOARD OF ASSESSORS 



Briggs — I didn't do it. 

Mrs. D. — Course you didn't. The 
other two done it for you in exchange 
fer what you done fer th^m. It's 
as clear as a trout brook how it come 
about. Land sakes, if you men stay 
on this board a few years more, 
you'll' git your own assessments off 
the books entirely and wi'll have the 
rest of us payin' you fer leavin' your 
land and bildins in the town. 

Phibbs — ^Now, really, Mrs. Doolit- 
tle— 

Mrs. D.— None of your palaverin*. 
Don't "really" me. I come here to 
do business and I want to tell you 
suthin' and that is if the $500 you 
tacked onto my assessment ain't took 
off right here and. now, I'm goin' to 
do. some talkin' right out loud where 
eveiybody in town can hear it and 
the subject of my remarks is goin' 
to be them reductions you've made 
fer yourselves while you've raised 
nearly everybody else. Come, now. 
What be you goin' to do ? 

Simp. — ^Mi^ DooUttle, we don't 
want nobody dissatisiiea if we can 
help it therefore I guess we'll scratch 
off that raise in your assessment this 
year anyway. 

Mrs. D: — ^I thought you'd lissen to 
reason before I got through. Now, 
mind you, if when taxpayin' time 
conies, them figgers ain't the same as 
last year, there's i^oin' to ^e consid- 



erable of an explosion and I'll be the 
one to light the fuse. Good day. 

(Exit IMrs. Doolittle.) 

Phibbs— Gosh! 
Simp — ^Jimminetty ! 
Bri ggs — ^Wh ew ! 

Phibbs — I believe she'd a dene it. 
Simp— ^Course she would. 
Briggs — ^We can't afford to have no- 
hornet's nest like that stirred up. 

Phibbs — No siree, not by a long 

shot. 

Simp — ^Talk about your poor, lone, 
unprotected widders. She certainly 
done a perty good jo(b protectin' her- 
self: 

Briggs — I should say she did. No 
wonder Sol. Doolittle gave up the 
ghost if he had to hear such goins 
on as that every day. 

Phibbs — Ever stop to think what's 
goin' to happen when she and other 
women like her git to votin* ? Things 
in this here town is goin' to be all 
turned' bottom side up. First thing 
we know ail the assessors will be 
women and then I guess therell be 
som« complaints on grievance ^day. 
Can you picture Mrs. Doolittle si» 
chairman, or rather chairwoman of 
the board of assessors? 

Simp — I suppose I could picture it, 
but r don't want to. Gee whiz! 
What would my assessment rise t» 
then? 



THE JONESVILLE B OAED OF ASSESSORS 



16 



Briggs — Probably it would at least 
go up that |500 she was talkin* about. 

Phibbs — ^Yes and the raise would 
be several times $500. 

Simp — I tell you what let's do. 
I^et's elect wimmen to the offices of 
constable and poundmaster, I mean 
constablesses and pound mistresses, 
when they git to votin'. Guess they 
wouldn't hanker after them offices. 

Phibbs — I ain't so sure about that. 
If there's more of 'em like Mrs. 
Doolittle, they wouldn't balk at ar- 
restih' a tramp or leadin' a stray 
cow to the town pound. 

Simp — Another thing's sure. There 
won't be any more secret meetins' of 
the town board when the wimmen git 
to holdin' office. 

Briggs — ^Hcw's that? 

Simp — ^How could them wimmer 
keep from tellin' all about it? 

Phibbs — A little more publicity 
ahout town board matters in some 
towns wouldn't hurt nuthin', would 
it? 

Briggs — ^No, it wouldn't, not a bit. 

Simp — I met Tom Jenkins, the 
town clerk, the other day and he says 
his goin' to see to it that when the 
wimmen. ^^it. to votin' all the bal- 
lots is printed on perfumed paper of 
different colors for the benefit of the 
ladies. Said he realizes no one color 
of paper or any one perfume would 



please 'em all so he's gimi' to bave 
a variety and let 'em take their 
choice when they git to the polls. 

Phibbs — Guess Tom must be mak- 
in' a bid for bein' the most popular 
man in town. 

Briggs — If I run fer assessor 
again, I'm goin' to put a dish of 
fudge in each votin' booth and let 
the wimmen know I did it. If that 
don't git seventy-five per cent, of 
their votes for me, then 111 miss my 
guess. 

Phibbs — ^^Speakin' of fudge, makes 
me think of eatin', (Looks at his 
watch) It's gittin* along towards 
dinner time. Suppose we go and get 
a leetle snack of suthin or other. I 
never could stand another hurricane 
like that one of Mrs. Doolittle's 'cep- 
tin' on a full stomach. 

Simp — I'm with you. 

Briggs— Me, too. 

(All Exit) ; 

CURTAIN * ; 1 



j 



CONGRESS 




I=la3ra lo-y TSLe^xxy^ 3^. IDot37": 



In Old New England 

Four-act rural comedy. A clean, pure and wholesome play. 
Now in its fourth edition. 25 cents a copy. 

Sacketts' Corner Folks 

Four-act rural comedy. Similar to "In Old New England" 
Adapted to small stages. Simple scenery 25 cents a copy. 

ONE-ACT HUMOROUS PLAYS 

Afternoon 

15 cents a copy. 



Spriggins' * 'Quiet" 

It turned out to be anything but quiet 



The Jonesville Sewing Circle 

They did some sewing but not much. 15 cents a copy. 

The Jonesville Grange Initiation 

A burlesque. No horse play. Buy this, sure. 1 5 cents a copy. 

The Jonesville Board of Assessors 

It tells some thmgs you've suspected. 15 cents a copy. 

The Jonesville Experience Meeting 

How the ladies earned Iheir dollars. 15 cents a copy. 

HUMOROUS RECITATIONS 



"Nothing Serious" 

Compiled by H. M. Doty. A book of carefully selected hu- 
morous reauings and recitatioris. This book will be found 
very valuable by those who wish to provide entertainment in 
connection vath regular meetings of granges or other organi- 
zations. The selections are new, appropriate and up-to-date. 
Price 25 cents a copy. 

Send all orders to 

HARRY M. DOTY, 
Chatham, N. Y. 



018 602 844 



Hollinger Corp. 
pH 8.5 



^ 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




018 602 844 2 / 



